24
Feb
10

I’m not dead I’m just dissapointed.

That’s right, I’m not dead. I’d like to say that I’ve not been blawging on account of my major project, but that would be a lie. Admittedly, I’ve been doing a lot of major stuff, and that has taken time away from me

I CANNOT HANDLE THIS. THERE ARE TWO PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT DANTE’S INFERNO AND THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT HOW IT IS BASED ON SOME POEM AND THEY DON’T LIKE THAT CAUSE IT’S ALL ABOUT RELIGION AND S***.

The fact that this is a legitimate market strategy makes me upset. Very upset. Dante Alighieri was a 14th century poet who’s first part of the liturgical boon that is The Divine Comedy is a masterpiece dealing with concept issues relating to religion, morality, social inequality and surprisingly little scythe-wielding hack and slash action.

I’ve done my research – I’m not just some johnny-come-lately wanting to rant on video games because it’s a confirmed and easy niche for blogging – I follow everything about video gaming. I follow market trends, release dates, employment statuses and anything I can get my hands on.

‘Dante’s Inferno’, as released by EA games is about a 12th Century Crusader, who’s wife is murdered by the devil in exchange for Dante’s sins. He then is confronted by the Grim Reaper who is then beaten into a coma by Dante wielding a polearm, and then is cut in half by his own scythe. Dante then pushes his way through the nine levels of hell, hacking and slashing his way through various sinners. Who go…somewhere. (Seriously, if you’re dead, and get killed, where do you go?)

I’ve also been told by many people that I can’t judge a book by it’s cover – I’m not entitled to complain about something when I’ve not played it. I still maintain that shooting myself in the leg will hurt based on information I’ve gathered, and this is not treated in a similar manner. But I’ve played it. I played the demo and wow. Outside of massive mistakes from a literary perspective, Dante’s Inferno is a poor game.

The hack and slash genre is one of my favorites. Moving from that, I really enjoy the style fighter. Dante’s Inferno is a bad game.
The combat is boring, and has a fantastically short list of moves. Sure – the move list can be increased, far further than I could get in the demo – but still, a short and samey list.
The basic enemies are this bizarre mix of cannon fodder and annoying pest. Their colour scheme is just right so that they blend in with 80% of the game’s backgrounds, leading to a number of cheap hits. At the same time, you can grab any enemy and instant kill him, through either an underwhelming, supposedly gore-tastic move, or through a redemption move – where the power of christ flashes blue and turns them to light. This is accompanied by the world’s most popular feature – a button mashing to remove a particular enemy from the face of hell.
People don’t like button tapping like that. That’s not say you can’t have button tapping and it be fun. Let’s hold up two games released in the same year. We have Bayonetta – a hack and slash game made by Platinum Games – a game released in January of 2010. The game features ‘Torture Moves’ – where a button is mashed to the point of disappearing from your controller for damage and in game finance. Here’s a picture.

A torture move

These differ for every enemy type in the game.


Meanwhile we’ve got Dante’s Inferno.
Amazing Light Blast

Prepare to see this a lot if you want to be a 'good guy'.

The games enemy designs, for what I saw were dull and uninspired. Dante does at least stick out – the number one mistake you could have made in a hack and slash, but he sticks out be he not all BLACK. That’s not a good design choice, right there.

But this has taken too long.

Curses on it all. Boring story, boring moves, more pretend lady chesticles in the demo than in the rest of my gaming career.

Awful.

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